there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My bed smells like the plague
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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