Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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