Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
