Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
