Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
