I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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