I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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