so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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