just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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