What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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