Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
