He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
