he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
