i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
