One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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