sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Let's get the cat blown out
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize