We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
