Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
