I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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