I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
