Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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