I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
