so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
