there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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