i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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