it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
