how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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