man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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