so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
