Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
