i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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