you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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