where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
