sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize
