I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Randomize
