great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
