She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
