dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
