you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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