Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
you made out with another girl for some wings
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
