Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
