im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
