i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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