you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
