The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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