Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
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Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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