You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
