God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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