There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize