Plan B is the new Plan A
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
