I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
