i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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