I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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