Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
