grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
