Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
