I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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