Rock
Scissors
Fuck
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
