Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize