his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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