ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
