Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
