She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize