I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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