Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
