at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
