I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
