Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
