So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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