She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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