i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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