i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
