I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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