Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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