thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
