I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
