From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
