he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
