Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
