I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
