my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
