Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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