If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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